Monday, April 25, 2011

A walk in the park!

It was a beautiful day so perfect for a walk in the park. So I went and saw students running all around with their coach pushing them harder and harder to do better constantly checking the stop clock and noting the time taken to finish the lap around the pond. I cross their path and I ask " You guys working hard haah" and the girls reply " working butts off" LOL.

I walk up to that pond and that bench which is my favorite location to relax and breathe in the fresh air. When I sit there an inexplicable sense of calm surrounds me as if it is like a firewall protecting me from the constant thoughts that are ready to attack my mind :)

So there I sit and just absorb in the beauty of the moment, the peace Nature can bring you.

I sit in the lap of Mother Nature, being protected and cared for!
Closing my eyes, yet so aware of the touch of breeze in my hair
on my skin, swaying my soul like it were a warm peaceful daffodil
my skirt dancing in the wind, with all my love and ready to give!

Hey Mommy, I had this great day at the park
It is so beautiful and I remember you and dad!
You are 10,000 miles away from me right now
My heart is on flight in this wind to where you are...

Oh My Love, I just wish you are are here.................
with me in the lap of Nature......oh yes, you are here................


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I still love you

You called me when I was in office just to say Hi, How are you! and the conversation went somehow and I referred my crush on you. You were soo surprised and I asked why not? That is how it started! so beautiful so innocent. The sweet sms messages we shared. I loved it when you called me your sweetheart. You found me a home to rent. You gave me silver diyas for my pooja room. It was so much fun looking for a home with you. Soo funny we were talking about the poster with 81 baby pictures on it and wanted 81 children of our own.

Our first hug, our first kiss! Until then I never knew weakness in knees. Hell what! I fell down on my knees at your feet after you kissed me so earnestly! I was overcome with the emotion. Just knowing how much you love me!

I was sleeping with my dilapidated photo album with my family pictures I hold dearest. I dont know when you noticed. The next day when I woke up I had all my photographs neatly arranged in a brand new photo album. How can I ever forget your kindness, your love, your sensitivity and passion? That night in the car - you went down on one knee and asked "Will you marry me?"

As I write, the tears well in my eyes. I was scared, I was so happy, I was uncertain. Hell, I lost you! I gave you hell for the love you gave me. Granted, I was young, foolish, scared about things that could have been easily changed but in retrospect. I wish I had guidance. I wish I never let you go.

It is 6 years! and I still LOVE you. Its okay if you hate me, I still love you.

I imagine, if only..................

Sorry, forgive me,,, words don't come easily! like sorry!!!
Baby can I hold you tonight
Baby if I told you the right words, at the right time - you would be mine!!

The 6th song on the tape is what I asked you to listen to let you know I love you.
Its 6 years now and I imagine, if only...........

Monday, April 11, 2011

Parallel World

Running in the rain with my Dog! in those vast green lush fields. Its just spring and its raining nature's beauty. The different shades of green making the whole world peaceful. So, there I am playing with my Dog. He pulling my long floral green skirt to play more and more :) Just bringing laughter and joy. It is the quiet moment just between me and my best friend. Beautiful!!!!!

Simple things, simple joys forming part of my Parallel world!
Those intimate moments in my mind, my private treasure!
Dear Someone-Special - I so wish, with you I share!

Vani :)

PS: I feel like I am trying hard to write an essay for my 3rd standard topic LOL :)

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Simple Sunday

Wow, the bloggers block is so sickening. Earlier my fingers would do Salsa and Tango on the keyboard. Now, I really have to seriously make my fingers to even get up and walk.
With this the walk starts........

Mind is infested with thoughts
But no words on the lips..

The things that are put in words
were never in thoughts..

So much pretense
Elsewhere is the presence.

I just wish I was there.

Vani :)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Need to start writing again! there is a need for this expression and at the same time the need for laziness of turning the thoughts to words... Anyways...

I just met and spoke to some one amazing who teaches nuclear physics and at the same time quite modest. She told me to get back again. May be she is like GoDolphin on O3 who inspired me to stay and write the first time. The Nuke girl is inspiring me for a 2nd stint.

Nuke Girl you know who you are :D I am All S Finally to restart my blog :)

Feels good. Lets see if my laziness gets better out of me :D

Vani :)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Carry Forward from O3

Well, I thought of writing a lot on today's experience... but lets see how far I can achieve expressing those innate feelings... those wonderful memories... mixed feelings... and many more..
all being evoked by one great cinema I watched today called “ World's fastest Indian”
when I saw the title, I thought its some documentary about Narain kartikeyan.. but then came the titles further that said Anthony Hopkins.. now since he is one of my very favourite actors, I could not change the channel. So on Z Studio, I watched this movy.. which is about one Mr. Burt Munro ( Not Monroe as in Marlyn Monroe ) who is New Zea Land Down Under.. and he uses this phrase every time when he introduces himself. This guy is an obesessed biker and is preparing and waiting for the day for some 25 years to ride his bike which is a 1920 “Indian“ well Indian is the model of the bike on the race track of Bonneville in Utah where they conduct speed races.
He by the time of one particular speed week sometime in 1960s, is like about may be some 70+ years I dont know but this man is hell determined to travel all the way from Newzealand to this west coast town of the United States.
That never die attitude and his engineering mind and the way he explains why there should be some weight behind the center of gravity of the bike so that it wouldnt fickle like a fish tail to his co participants is just awesome. I men he takes a Cigar and pokes in a tooth pik at two different points and blows it and shows the way the stability of the cigar is better when he blows it with that tooth pik pokes in right behind the center of gravity of Cigar.
All the while, I just remembered my grand father .. my dad's dad who was a civil engineer who was incolved in a lots of projects such as tungabhadra dam and others... basically a guy from the then Noizam with urdu handwriting which looks like a print rather than handwriting... the most striking resemblance with Burt Munro being never give up attitude and I dont care what others think of me attitude and what on earth... “this is my ruddy life“ attitude.
Never ending enthusiasm that energy that wonderful sense of humor... Oh boy... I am proud to have lived with a walking encyclopaedia called my grand father for 20 years of my life until he passed away right in front of my eyes... i remember that last day when I held his hand in the hospital in Hyderabad and told him.. that he will get well real soon and I assured of his resilience. He is one man who was never dependant on anybody inspite of his about 95% blindness. Well, his mathematics and engineering mind helped him a lot.. beyond that his attitude “IAM DOING GREAT“ will never fail to inspire me when ever I go through the tough times of lower self confidence and lower self esteem. Can you beat that he used to count the number of steps to the bath room, to the porch, to his bed.. he knows how many steps it takes to go to god damn any place in my home... at this stage of his life, this HOME was sold because, we had no money and because my father had to marry 3 daughters... well.. another long story in iteself... but irrelavent to the current train of thought... anyways.. backing off from this... to grand pa... at this stage of his life, we “uprooted“ ourselves from this “Home“ to my aunty's home. well we rented it. those dark ages of our lives reached pinnacle in the year 2003. 3rd quarter 2003, we moved to our aunt's house to the ground floor. and This wonderful man though very wounded in heart.. NEVER GAVE UP... he started counting steps afresh in this new place... cheering everyone most importantly me because, I spent a lot of time just before my new job with my granpa.. how much I miss that ever after.
Inspite of blindness, illness - physical, emotional .. financial... yet my grand father.... by all means GRAND FATHER... continues his new spell of his life.... only that I did not realise its the end of his finally when he was in that hospital .... when he called me and when I held his hand... he said...““Vani...nah dont worry I am alright ““
Oh comeon...I thought I was reassuring him... but then it was the other way round...
Finally mid December 2003, my grand father left for better place than this world...and who is always watching my every step .. from UP ABOVE... rather than DOWN UNDER the way Burt Munro says...and blessing me... and wishing me the best... But then I hope he is listening to me now and I want to tell him.... All I want in this life is BE LIKE YOU....I LOVE YOU.... I must thank Burt Munro and also the makers of this great movie World's fastest Indian ... I suddenly got inundated with memories... and I had to open the flood gates and let go off the pressure and rush of these memories through the dam of my blog...
May God Bless you..taatagaaru..where ever you are...
Vani :)